Now Where was I ?
Hmm??
Geez its been a while. To long I suppose. Definately time for me to start writing down some of those inner most thoughts.
My last Ct Scan took place around the first of May. It brought me an update that has jolted me into a scary place. It was my worst fear. The cancer is alive and growing again. My two largest tumors one being in my lung and one in my liver have both shown signs of growth since last Scan. It was devastating for me to hear that. My heart dropped even lower this time. My heart begins to race, I begin to cry. So the Navelbine was no match. I think to myself... gawd, what will be? My docter informs me that we are beginning to run out of options. Options meaning chemotherapy drugs. Chemotherapy drugs that fall under the catergory for treating cancers of the breast and lung that is. You see treatment for my cancer is a guessing game. It is a long, long guessing game that has been challenging my body, my mind, my spirit for 3.5 years.
So what now? I am now receiving... oh nut's, I can't remember off the top of my chemo head, and its late and I am too tired to go look it up. Cytoxan? Adrenmycin? I am sure the spelling is wrong, but it is a cocktail of two chemotherapy drugs. The side effects are lame (like, duh!) that goes without saying. I have sickness, nausea, hair loss, fatigue, oh lordy! I have never been more tired in my life. The adrenmycin(?) is very unnerving reason being that patients are only allowed to receive this drug six times. It can cause heart damage. I can attest to the fact that it definately causes heart pain and irregular heart palpitations while under "its" treatment. I have only received this drug twice. My regimen is one dose of each drug every three weeks. I have one more treatment and then I have another CT Scan to see if these drugs are doing the job.
I am scared, anxious, and feeling desperate.
Thats all I can give for tonight. Over and out.
Peace and Love,
Lori
P.S.- Meagan if your still reading... I lost your email. Mail me so I can mail you back?
Kathy, I will write soon.
Sandee, thank you for your concern, you are such a sweetheart.
Lisa, I will see you soon, right?
Geez its been a while. To long I suppose. Definately time for me to start writing down some of those inner most thoughts.
My last Ct Scan took place around the first of May. It brought me an update that has jolted me into a scary place. It was my worst fear. The cancer is alive and growing again. My two largest tumors one being in my lung and one in my liver have both shown signs of growth since last Scan. It was devastating for me to hear that. My heart dropped even lower this time. My heart begins to race, I begin to cry. So the Navelbine was no match. I think to myself... gawd, what will be? My docter informs me that we are beginning to run out of options. Options meaning chemotherapy drugs. Chemotherapy drugs that fall under the catergory for treating cancers of the breast and lung that is. You see treatment for my cancer is a guessing game. It is a long, long guessing game that has been challenging my body, my mind, my spirit for 3.5 years.
So what now? I am now receiving... oh nut's, I can't remember off the top of my chemo head, and its late and I am too tired to go look it up. Cytoxan? Adrenmycin? I am sure the spelling is wrong, but it is a cocktail of two chemotherapy drugs. The side effects are lame (like, duh!) that goes without saying. I have sickness, nausea, hair loss, fatigue, oh lordy! I have never been more tired in my life. The adrenmycin(?) is very unnerving reason being that patients are only allowed to receive this drug six times. It can cause heart damage. I can attest to the fact that it definately causes heart pain and irregular heart palpitations while under "its" treatment. I have only received this drug twice. My regimen is one dose of each drug every three weeks. I have one more treatment and then I have another CT Scan to see if these drugs are doing the job.
I am scared, anxious, and feeling desperate.
Thats all I can give for tonight. Over and out.
Peace and Love,
Lori
P.S.- Meagan if your still reading... I lost your email. Mail me so I can mail you back?
Kathy, I will write soon.
Sandee, thank you for your concern, you are such a sweetheart.
Lisa, I will see you soon, right?
posted by LORI at 11:39 PM -perma link-
19 Comments:
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Cary said...
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Linda UK said...
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The Apologist said...
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abigail said...
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Lisa in england said...
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ehoogie said...
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joyceling said...
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amanda said...
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Sandee said...
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Anonymous said...
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f. said...
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Maddy! said...
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Anonymous said...
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Dana said...
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Anonymous said...
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Timothy Takemoto said...
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Jan said...
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Miss Melanoma said...
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Jan said...
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Post a CommentI love you, my dear... I'm looking forward to a lovely weekend together :)
See you in a few hours!
Hi Lori
You haven't heard from me before.
I came across your site after my daughter decided to take part in the Race for Life.
I just wanted to say how much I love and admire the honesty with which you write. It has really moved me.
I am so sorry that your latest Scan has not gone as well as you hoped. It must seem like a kick in the guts.
Be strong Lori. Carrying on fighting this evil disease with the spirit you have so far. You
are an inspiration to so many people, strangers all over the world.
Take pride from the fact that your tenacity in the face of adversity has led to many people like me praying for you and willing you on.
I haven't met you but I feel I know you and I wish and hope your next scan can relieve some of the anxieties that along with the drugs are making you dispirited and sad.
Be positive Lori.
Regards
Linda. xx UK
Thinking of you Lori
Simon x
I'm thinking of you, too. You've touched a lot of people with this blog. take care of yourself,
abigail
Lori
You can bet you will see me soon! I have my SF money all saved and it will be late this year if not the very beginning of next. You will be much better by then and you can show me that amazing place that I have always longed to see.
In my heart, I know it is just a matter of finding the right drug for you and you are getting there.
Stay strong my dear friend, a big hug for you. I am always thinking of you.
Lots of love
Lisa xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Hey Kiddo,
Have you considered asking for a second opinion? I am sure you have, but I work at Kaiser, and they have tumor board meetings for the various departments where they review different cases that may pose questions for them. They video and phone conference in oncologists, surgeons, etc., from the different locations and they all talk about the cases. I take minutes for the HNS Tumor Board, that is how I know. We just reviewed a case of adenocarcinoma from Northern California and the different treatment options discussed are really interesting.
Also, I went to City of Hope, in Duarte, CA, when I was diagnosed with my second primary cancer (I had the breast CA already and then got the MFH sarcoma). I went to COH because I needed to verify what the Fresno doc's were saying (I didn't have a lot of faith in this small city), when, after consulting with all the docs down there, I was relieved to know that they all agreed with my docs up here.
I just want you to know, that from a patient's standpoint, I can sort of relate to how you feel sometimes. Not all the time, mind you, but sometimes.
As far as your Adriamycin and Cytoxan, I did that regime, but I was on the every two week thing. It sucked and all, we both know this! And, unfortunately if my cancer recurs I can't have the Adriamycin again, for the very reasons you wrote of (heart problems).
ALSO, I have a cool CD of the Dalai Lama chanting/praying over a woman with cancer, who reportedly was cured as a result of having this done to her. (Hey, it can't hurt!) And, from reading Cary's Flickr stuff, it seems you both may be leaning towards the East in your belief systems, I thought you may like to have a copy of the CD. Let me know and email me your address, if so, and I will burn you a copy.
I got the CD from Charlie Musselwhite, a blues harmonica player and a great guy.
ANYWAY, cyber hugs to you Lori...much love and adoration from Fresno! :o)
I love you, sweetie, and I'm so glad you are in our lives!
Love
Joyce
I'm sorry to hear the news, Lori. But there are still so many options...even if you exhaust the drugs that are FDA-approved, you could sign up for one of the many clinical trials that are going on right now.
Keep on truckin'--you and Cary are in my thoughts.
Wish I could give you a hug right now.... feeling pretty scared myself *sigh*
Love you girly... hang in there ok?
Of course I'm still reading! I love you and miss you so much! Glad to see you are writing again! I don't know where your e-mail is either so I will e-mail you and if you don't get it its mooch1345@yahoo.com. I love you!
Love meagan
Hi Lori, Just wanted you to know I'm still around. Wishing so hard for great results for you, Lori, you know I am.
Love,
Bean
hi lori,
All my prayers are wid you.
Best of luck...
my moms is going through the same situation at the moment...
breast cancer metastasized to the liver now...
she on Navelbine...just had her third one today..
has her CT on friday...
im REALLy worried...
Hi Lory--
This is jay a friend of kizzy`s we met at her alameda christmas dinner a couple years ago.I did the Adriamicyin too when i was dealing with Hodgkins-i think the doctors had a nickname for it called "red death"..I was amazed at how fast it came out right after chemo a stream of red pee..I saw in the comments folks are talking about eastern approaches.I drank reshi mushroom tea..It`s has a horrible taste but it cleaned me out and i believed it help.Also my wife got me a buddhist charm which i loss several times at the hospital during chemo but it always found the way back.I have gone to western doctors over here in japan for check ups and problems but usually i end up at a accpunturist and herbalist which has helped my liver(thanks,chemo..)..You should check out the accupunture college in berkeley it`s cheap and it is ran by japanese doctors.Each i time i went there i felt great afterwards.I usually started out sobbing when telling my stories and when i left to go back to japan the doctor students were all coming out and saying good bye a good mental push.Anyways i can send ya reshi mushrooms,get ahold of me thru kizzy...My aunt always called western doctors "the cut and slice"..She had ovary cancer and fought ten years doin` her thing.Take Care and in japanese "gambatte"--keep your chin up...jay
Lori, I don't know what to say that would be of great help. I think of you often and you are in my prayers.
Lots of Love,
Dana Banana
A lurker here who is thinking of you. I admire your determination and will keep sending you all the positive thoughts in the world. Strength and peace to you,
Jennifer
>Definately time for me to start writing down some of those inner most thoughts.
I would love to hear them.
>I feel very negative and I hate to write when I am this way....I have been avoiding writing as to try to prevent bringing other people down, but this comes with the territory.
Positivity is great, but I don't think that you will necessarily bring other people down if you write your life as it is.
In a sense perhaps, we are all facing the same negativity but we do not know it, do not allow ourselves to know it, and do not say it. Please do...
For instance, by being frank you may have a very positive influence on those of us that could, but do not, avoid coming into contact with carcinogens.
Love
Tim
I've been reading you for a while and just wanted to say hang in there, keep fighting, and keep writing. Lots of people care even though we may not comment. I wish you great blessings!
Hi Lori,
I've read a few times, but just lurked around a bit. We're fighting the same battle here, and I just wanted you to know that I'm rooting for you. Keep up the good fight, Girlie, and never accept defeat. We all believe in you and your ability to overcome. And, of course, remember that it will all be okay in the end.
If it's not okay, it's not the end.
-Lori (MissMelanoma.com)
It's been a while since your last post. Just want you to know I'm thinking of you and hope if you don't feel like posting that you'll ask someone else to give us an update. Meanwhile, Peace and Blessing to you!
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