Tumors Gone Wild
Ummm... The results from my latest CT Scan confirmed my fears. The tumors have increased in size and number in my liver and lungs. My DR. expressed some concern that the disease may have spread to my bone marrow thats because my platelet count has been at a stable low quite some time after treatment. So for obvious reasons I have been taken off 5FU and currently can not continue any form of chemotherapy in fear that I might bleed to death if I nick myself while shaving my legs. I also must refrain from juggling knives, walking on glass and climbing barbed wire fences. Anyhow I have been put on a new drug, Tarceva, which is a protein kinase inhibitor. A what? Ya... I have no idea . What I can tell you is that it is given to people with lung cancer. There is no brutal "blood" side effects like that of chemotherapy. Some people who take the drug get a bad skin like rash but that is about the worst of it. So I get to relive my pubescent years. The DR. also expressed several times that there is no evidence suggesting that this will work for my type of cancer... whatever type that is? I should know in 2 months time wether or not it's going to work.
In the case that it does not work there is 1, yes, one more chemotherapy that I have for back up. I asked the DR. for brutal honest truth and she did not hold back. She gave me a prognosis of 6-8 months given that these last two drugs do not work out. Damn... that was incredibly hard to type. It has been quite a struggle but I am finally coming to terms with my mortality. Not that I never thought I would die... its just... well not now anyways. Gotta go seek the comfort of my husband now.
In the case that it does not work there is 1, yes, one more chemotherapy that I have for back up. I asked the DR. for brutal honest truth and she did not hold back. She gave me a prognosis of 6-8 months given that these last two drugs do not work out. Damn... that was incredibly hard to type. It has been quite a struggle but I am finally coming to terms with my mortality. Not that I never thought I would die... its just... well not now anyways. Gotta go seek the comfort of my husband now.






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Post a CommentThanks for the update. I'll be thinking of you.
If I still prayed, I would pray for you. Nevertheless, be assured there are many, many people in the world who would like nothing better than to see one of the medications work.
Perhaps, if nothing else, I wish you hope.
Word. Found your blog while looking for 'kinase' stuff. I'm one of the guys trying to make the next bigger and better version of Tarceva... Good luck on it - My prayers are with you.
Goddamn. I am so sorry for the bad news. Please, please, please go and spend some positive time with Cary. You two are a hell of a couple, and you will get through this shitty news together...and then you will make the best out of whatever time you have left together, whether that be months, years, or decades.
Love to you both,
Amanda
Have been wondering about you. My cousin is battling leukemia. Will be praying for both of you.
Take good care. Be strong.
You're in my family's thoughts and prayers. If anyone can prevail against this, I think you and Cary can.
those weren't the words i longed to see. but there they are... #&@*!!!
i went to check in on the bloggers at Rebel1in8.com today ("dialogues") and was met by your words. i have your blog listed first because, well, it's that awesome portrait that i see- you stare us down with pure faith in your own strength- an "i dare you" quality that's not easy to pull off. but you do. long story short... i adore you from afar. always have. a mentor of sorts. that doesn't sound TOO creepy? right?
i think about you a lot. and today, in this moment, i hope that you... that you...
have a really beautiful day.
Lori, you hang in there dear, miracles happen every day.....share special moments with Cary, enjoy each day. You are in my thoughts and prayers always....Arlene (AJ)
Thinking of you and wishing you a miracle.
Maria
Hey girly, I just wish I could give you a hug right now... we certainly both need one right now! Love you much & stay strong, we need to slay that dragon!
Lori, You inspire me to be strong even when faced with very difficult news. I will keep you in my thoughts that the last resort, is the lucky one you've been waiting for. In my thoughts, Jen
Lori, my thoughts are with you. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you guys. Seriously. Anything.
All of my love,
Steve
Lori - You continue to be in my prayers. I am sending you all the love and good thoughts and virtual hugs I can muster. You are a brave warrior and I am not giving up hope.
I think you are wise to deal with reality, but at the same time I know that miracles do happen. I hope beyond words that one happens for you.
Kathleen
Hey chickadee! I've been reading your blog for awhile now, and I have to say thatI have SO much admiration for you.
You're sheer guts and forthrightness make me respect you and put into perspective my own life.
I can't say that I know how you feel, because I don't, but I just wanted you to know that I think you rock!
kelly
I've been reading your blog, as well as Sandee's. You are two very remarkable and courageous women.
I lost my son in a car accident 4 years ago. People often ask where I get my strength. I KNOW I don't need to tell you.
I pray for both of you; that God continue to provide you with His incredible strength. You truly are an inspiration for anyone and everyone that may cross your path.
hi lori, i'm ohchicken from flickr, and i just wanted you to know that i am thinking of you, praying for you and cary, and am immensely grateful that you are teaching us all how to be more alive.
peace, sister.
annie
I'm there now too, and my wife and I are headed to Ireland next week. I wish you and your husband the best.
Tom
P.S. --You may already know this, but just in case, many insurance policies, including term life policies, provide for advances in the case of terminal illness.
I came here by way of Sandee. Thoough I lurk often. MY best friend is currently fighting stage 4 breast cancer. SHe is 35. I just noticed that you both live in Sacramento. There is always hope that maybe the ONE left-will be it.
Aunt Lori,
I am so sorry about the bad news. You have stayed so strong the past 4 years fighting back harder than ANYONE that I have ever known before! You have such a large army backing you and Uncle Cary up and we are all here for you! I will definetly be praying for you as I have but I just want you to know that I will also fast for your healing! Whatever it takes. What ever happens I want you to know that there WILL be a Testimony come from your story, whether it be for yourself, mine to help others get through this or someone else, but I want you to know that you are such an amazing person and have touched so many lives and I really saw that as i read all of the comments you have recieved throughout your blogging! YOu are really and inspiration to me and I know you are to alot of other people too! You hold a very special place in my heart and I really pray for peace and calming for you and Cary!
All my LOVE,
Meagan
Hi Lori,
I've learned about your battle through Sandee and know how much you have fought to slay this dragon. My thoughts and prayers are joined to all those that know and love you that you may have the strength to continue this battle to eventual victory. Thoughts of healing and strength are sent your way. God bless you and all those who care about you.
I haven't been to visit in quite some time, and I just hate reading this news. This disease sucks. It just sucks.
Praying for many, many more months--even years--for you and Cary.
(((Lori)))))....hope you realize what an inspiration of courage you all to all those who fight cancer and win....in my prayers....love,karen
I'm so sorry for your suffering. I, too, am coughing my guts out (metastatic renal cancer, spread all over, including a lung), and it's bloody awful. You're in my thoughts and prayers. (here via Sandee)
Damn. Damn. Damn. This post just broke my heart. And made me cry.
From the other side of the continent, I send you the biggest positive vibe there is out there.
I wanted you to know that Jen died early this morning...
Oh God, I feel like my heart had just been ripped out reading this. Miracles do exist so don't give up - we have a date to keep. Love and hugs to you both. Lisa xxxxxx
Dearest Lori, I'm always reading your blog. I'm sure you will have an easier time with Tarceva, I hope the rashes are not too bothersome to deal with. I'm praying and sending all my well-wishes. BE STRONG! Love ya. You are always always in my thoughts.
- Bean
you humble us with your strength.
linked you at:
http://jugalbandi.info/2007/02/join-the-fight-against-cancer/
cheering you on,
bee.
Dear Lori,
On my own journey with stage 4 adenocarcinoma, feeling pretty depressed and yukky today, not sure how much time I have, found your blog, read your last post, then most of the rest. I am moved, feeling the immensity of this time for you. I am so glad you have your love for Cary and his love for you. I'm taking Tarceva too. I stopped coughing, can breathe better. I really hope it works for you.Thinking of you,
Joyce
I think of you both often and am in disbelief of the latest news. I will keep in my heart the wish that this newest protocol will work for you and you will begin the road to recovery. Perhaps the Spring will bring beauty in more ways than usual!!! Be strong and know that you are loved and admired by more than just the usual suspects!
Much love, Chenee
Oh BUGGER...
Lori,
I wish you hope, and I wish you days and days of love with Cary...
Minerva
Lori, I am always thinking about you and having you in my prayers. Stay strong, girl and never leave hope outside the door. My friend battled breast cancer with a desperate detox, but her tumors were small. If there is something to try and nothing else works, maybe you should think about it.
It took 45 days of drinking distilled water and nothing else. Sounds crazy, I know, but so far so good, the cancer has not come back.
I wish you days filled with love and care from Cary and close people around you. Love, Irina
There was a programme on Japanese TV about local chemotherapy. The hospital sent tubes up via arteries in the thigh to squirt chemotherapy drugs directly at the small arteries supllying blood to the cancer tissue, allowing a higher localised dosage. The programme featured two patients one with oesophogeal the other with throat cancer. I can't find it on the net. The small hospital featured was in Tokyo.
You probably know about it, but I checked and it is called "TACE"
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TACE
Dr's do not know your mortality!!! Only God does. Please enjoy living and try and not to think about this. I have 2 friends that lived out their Dr's predictions by 8 and 9 years!! Hang in there. Sue
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